February 27, 425

Constantinople, Byzantine – Emperor Theodosius has opened Pandidakterion, a groundbreaking institution of higher learning aimed at training civil servants. The new school will offer courses in Greek and Latin grammar, law, philosophy, and rhetoric.

In Greek, an institution of continued learning like Pandidakterion is called a “university”—an exciting new concept! Emperor Theodosius has expressed great optimism about the university, stating:

“One day, the students of Pandidakterion will be so erudite in fields like law that they will make bureaucracy extremely detailed, and complex. The expansion of our bureaucracy will be the greatest strength of the Byzantine Empire. Here’s to a Byzantine bureaucracy!”

“Furthermore, Pandidakterion will ensure that any citizen aspiring to join the managerial class will require a university education. Though this may come with a heavy upfront cost, we aim to accept students from every walk of life, including underprivileged children—who will only have to take out loans that borrow against their future earnings in order to attend.”

In unrelated news, Byzantine banks have announced brand-new innovations: “lifetime payment plans” and “compounded interest.”